The Diphthongs
by zephtastic
Summary: I want Star Trek: The Musical - they land on a planet where they have to communicate only in song.


Title: The Diphthongs  
Word Count: 1,610  
Rating: G  
Warning: CORNINESS, singing  
Summary: Written for this prompt: _I want Star Trek: The Musical - they land on a planet where they have to communicate only in song._  
Notes: Many, many music references are throughout.

The planet was very similar to Earth, green and healthy with humanoids who had skin that was bright yellow and large green eyes. Just after beaming down the shorter aliens rushed up, smiling and waving, a large crowd gathering around to greet them immediately.

"Welcooome to our planet, Staarfleeet," the tallest of the aliens sang, voice deep and resonating. "I am the chiiieftan of my villaaaage, Fclef."

Captain Kirk couldn't help it, he positively beamed in response. They'd never been serenaded in greeting! Shot at, yes, and even once they had tribbles thrown at them, but never sang to!

"Thank you! We are honored by your welcome, Fclef" he replied, stepping forward. "I'm the Captain of the Enterprise and we're very glad to be on the planet Dipht."

The aliens stared in misunderstanding. "I'm sorry," Fclef sang, holding his arms out wide and open. "We dooo not understaaand your words."

Jim frowned, turning to look at his crew behind them. He earned a collective shrug from all but Spock and a particularly nasty scowl from Bones. Uhura stepped forward, looking a little embarrassed.

"Captain, I think I misinterpreted something, earlier," she said, looking down at her tricorder and then back up at her Captain. "I thought, just as you had, that the Diphthongs only greeted in song but spoke normally. It seems that they communicate only through song."

"Oh? Do they now?" Jim said, looking amused at the prospect. "Uhura, you are an experienced vocalist, I understand, could you convey to them we need a second to…ahem, establish a better…harmony?"

Uhura frowned, gave Jim a suspicious look, and then nodded. She stepped up to Fclef, smiling and nodding at the small alien. "Caan you excuuuse us please?" she sang, her voice smooth and velvety. The aliens seemed to understand, all clapping their hands in reply. "We need tooo speak amongst ouurrselves, thaaank you."

She stepped back over and they huddled in a circle together. Jim was glad he hadn't brought more than his usual bunch today. He took a moment to look over the faces of his landing party: Bones looked, characteristically, annoyed; Spock looked very intrigued; Uhura seemed actually rather happy with the whole ordeal; last was Cupcake, who seemed rather uncomfortable.

"Alright," Jim said, clapping his hands together to get their full attention. "Lovely Uhura has found a communication barrier for us that we will need to overcome. All of us, if we need to speak to the aliens, will have to do it through song."

"We noticed that, Captain," the doctor snapped, crossing his arms over his chest and looking all the more grouchy. "To which I request to leave, thank you."

"I think not, doctor," Spock interjected, looking up from his tricorder and at the irritated man. "You forget that they are in dire need of proper medical education. They are still on a primitive religious system for healing which is quite in effective as they are prone to epidemics."

"He's right, Bones," Jim said, expression everything but sympathetic. "You're just gonna have to suck it up and belt it out."

No one seemed amused by this, but the Captain didn't let small things like that get him down. He held up a hand again to regain everyone's attention before continuing. "We are here with a clear mission, get Bones to do all the doctory things he needs to do so Dipht is healthier," he said in his best Captainly voice, standing up straight to regard them all seriously. "Understood?"

Everyone nodded, except for Bones who just rolled his eyes. Jim shook his head and turned around, walking back over to the concerned looking group of yellow Diphthongs. "I apologize," Jim sang, as best he could, which wasn't too bad as his voice didn't crack. "I am Captaaain Kirk of the Enterpriiise. We are heeere to teach yoouuu bett~r health caaare."

Fclef smiled happily in response and clapped his hands; it seemed to be their version of a nod. "Weee are so veery lucky to haave you here," the alien replied, waving a long arm over to where their small village sat. "Pleeeease come and jooiiiin us whiiiile ourrr shaaamaaannn meet with youuuurrrss."

Jim clapped his hands in response, leading to the whole group started clapping a happy tune reply. He turned to beam at his crew and was met with mixed replies. Uhura and Spock seemed to be the only ones enjoying the new culture, unfortunately. Jim shrugged and waved the two wet blankets to follow them.

Bones fell in step beside his friend, scowl having taken on a new level of irritation. "They called me a shaman, Jim," he seethed, shaking his head and glaring at everything but the cheerful little people. "I can't believe this."

Eventually they split up, Spock heading with Bones to assist the Diphthong shamans and Uhura, Cupcake and the Captain all joining Fclef for a tour of the village. Most of the structures in the village were long, narrow buildings made of some sort of thick, clay concrete. They were varying degrees of cheerful colours with wide doors that slid open and closed, covered in a clear paper like material. It was all rather beautiful and the Diphthongs seemed to be a peaceful people.

"I dooo not understaaand it," Fclef said to Jim, once the tour was over and they stood drinking a thick, pulpous drink called mezzo watching the villagers play with Cupcake. "Whyy does thiiss one noot siiing? Neiitherrr doesss your naaaaroow, pointy-eeaared friend."

Jim smiled, amused, waving his hand up and down to convey a shrug. "Theeey doo not know how to siing," Jim replied, having decided half way into the day that he was a rather decent vocalist. Flcef had even told him so.

Fclef frowned, cocking his head to the side and regarding Cupcake seriously. "Maaany of our people are noot always veryyy vocaallyy talented," he replied, waving one arm wide. Jim wasn't sure what that gesture meant. "They insteaaad communicate through snaaaping their fingers."

Would have been nice to know that earlier, Jim mused but shrugged the normal way and finished the sweet mezzo drink. "I thiiink you will haave to excuse me, Fclef," he said, solemnly. "I neeeed to check onnn my doooctor."

With that and a cluck of the tongue—the Diphthong of goodbye—Jim walked through the village to where the shamans were. He spotted Spock, standing over a potted planet and examining it carefully. "Hey, Spock, find anything interesting?" Jim asked, mostly rhetorical.

"Yes, Captain, I have," Spock replied, not looking up from the leave in his palm. "However, I think you should visit Doctor McCoy. He has been asking after you for quiet some time."

Well, that was interesting. Must have annoyed Spock enough for the Vulcan to completely bypass answering Jim's question (rhetorical or not) to mention it without provocation. Jim frowned, picking up the pace to the larger, two story structure that was the temple. Inside it smelled intensely of a spicy, sour smoke that wasn't very unpleasant but very thick.

Jim frowned, wondering what it was as he carefully pushed past the drapes that served for doors in the temple. All the shaman were gathered around the equipment Bones had brought down for them, quietly discussing a hypospray as they looked it over. The good doctor was nowhere in sight, however.

Carefully stepping past the shamans, Jim pushed on further into the temple. He eventually found Bones, outside the back of the temple, staring out into the forest behind it. His posture wasn't as stiff and angry as it had been earlier, for which Jim was thankful.

"Hellooo, Doctor McCoyy," Jim sang, smiling to himself.

Bones was looking at his tricorder when he turned around and didn't look up from it. "Yess, what iss itt?" he sang in reply, voice much deeper and far more gravely than Jim's. Jim frowned, distinctly irritated that Bones' singing voice was superior to his own.

"Ha, got ya, you grump," Jim announced, letting his irritation go unnoticed. "You about done here? I think I'm going to lose my voice after all this singing."

The doctor looked distinctly annoyed at being tricked, but didn't seem to have the effort to do anything about it. "Yeah, I'm done," he said, coming up to stand beside Jim. "They seem to understand the concept of medicine better than I feared. They were more doctor than shaman, thank God, and were willing to learn to better their science. Turned out pretty well."

Jim smiled, grabbing Bones by the shoulder and giving the man a little shake. "See? Just because you fear the worst, doesn't mean you'll get the worst!"

Bones smirked, shrugging Jim's hand off and heading back inside the temple. "True, at least I didn't get the worst singing voice."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean!"

About two hours later, they were ready to go. All the Diphthongs gathered around, looking sad and regretful that the wonderful Captain and his friends had to leave. The goodbyes took longer than was strictly necessary because Bones had earned himself a long, very intricate farewell hymn from the shamans. Uhura was in tears by the end of it and Bones looked distinctly uncomfortable.

They said their thanks and goodbyes one last time before they left. Jim picked up his communicator, prepared to hail Scotty when--

"Wait, Captain," Cupcake said, looking solemnly at the aliens. "Goodbyyeee!" Cupcake sang, voice rivaling that of an opera singers in quality and depth. Everyone stared in obvious surprise before the Diphthongs broke out into cheering and clapping. It was definitely a planet they would fondly remember, for a number of reasons.


End file.
